She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think people are normalizing furries
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
