Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
