I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
