I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
