I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
