So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
