everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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