He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
