mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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