for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The ass gains better be worth it
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