Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
