im six kinds of drunk right now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
