We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
