im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
