i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
