Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
