So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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