DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
