The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
