I wish I could teleport
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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