that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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