Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
