i already hear my dad disowning me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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