I feel great
I just peed on a car
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
