Ambien. No doubt about it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
