She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
