Christians are straight up FREAKS
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm always down for nudity.
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