Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
