Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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