We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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