I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
