I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
