just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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