i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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