I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
