Tell her she can't have a vagina
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Randomize
