my sisters under your porch take her home
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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