If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
