420 ftw
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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