if only i could text you this smell
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
