there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
