well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
