I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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