Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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