Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
