There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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