Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
