do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
and you fell through a lawn chair
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
