Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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