you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
