FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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