I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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