Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
