he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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