"it" just moved
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
