he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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