She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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