Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
