So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My nipple is on Facebook.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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