She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
