i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
