go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
